Just over a week ago I wrote about my grandmother’s influence on my garden. And now, she is gone.
There are few people who have been as influential to my life as her. Alongside my parents, she raised me, teaching me the value and importance of strength and hard work. It has been a struggle to resume normal life after her passing. I just keep thinking back to all of the times we shared together, wishing I could have spent more time with her in recent years.
Death has a way of putting things into perspective. All last week, I didn’t have a thought about work. I checked email occasionally, but I didn’t panic. I needed time to grieve. I wanted that time with my family. And now that I’m back in my normal life, things don’t feel as serious as before I left. Things just seem … like less of a big deal.
I was sure to be good to myself this week and last. For once in my life, I used exercise to cope. Every morning I completed T25 on my parent’s porch, before the day started. These moments provided me with pause and gave me at least 30 minutes to exert energy into something else other than sadness.
Likewise, I spent time with people that mattered. After grandma’s funeral, we all sat under the big apple tree at the farm. We played cards, talked about life, and played games. We looked around the farm and felt Grandma’s presence there. It was real and big, and it felt good to honor her in this way.
This is one of the first significant deaths I’ve ever encountered. And already it has changed my outlook on my life and what’s important. Even though Grandma is no longer here, her spirit lives within me. I want to make her proud, and I know that I will.
PS: It is still hard to write about this. Forgive me if my messages are unclear or confusing.