Jenna: A Year

So much can happen in a year. You can have your whole world flipped upside down. You can fall in love, or have your heart broken. You can move across the country. You can start a new career. Become a mother or father. So much can happen in a year!

Recently people have started asking me “wow, you look great! what have you been doing?”. It sounds weird, but this is a really, really hard question for me to answer.

My brain sort of scrambles for a few seconds. People have asked “did you lose weight on purpose”? I sort of mutter, “not really”.

So why did I do this? And why am I not comfortable sharing the details of what has happened?

Answer one: I am incredibly hard on myself.

Success is a really weird thing. We all measure it differently. I have incredibly high expectations for myself.

For me, this year has been full of clarity. I have a lot better idea of what I want out of life and out of a career. Sometimes my life gets cloudy, and I feel like this year has been for nothing. I haven’t met all of my goals, and I still don’t feel rooted in my new city. However, I have accomplished something great, that I’ve realized I need to give myself a lot more credit for.

IMG_4745

Left: September 2012 Right: November 2013

This “journey” ( I really hate that word, but can’t think of another one right now) really started in March, but the eating habits and water intake started to shift before that. I was never “overweight” on the BMI scale, but I was not taking good care of myself.

Something finally clicked. I felt in control of something. When life gets crazy, and I feel like so much is left up to fate, I am in control. When I feel like I’ll never feel settled with anyone or anywhere, I realized  I am in control of my negative thoughts. I am able to choose food that fuels my body instead of junk. I am in control of pushing my body past its comfort zone. I am also able to balance my indulgences. I am in control.

I don’t feel content or complete just yet, because it takes a lot of factors to make up those feelings. But I do feel proud. And I do feel in control.

And as much as things can change in a year…it’s only a year. I’ve lived 29 of them, and I can’t wait to see what the next few have in store for me J

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