It’s been a while since I’ve written about my word of the year. In fact, it’s pretty hard to believe it’s April already. I know this is how time moves, and I’m used to the feeling. But I can never quite shake the feeling of how fast everything feels sometimes. I guess that’s why being steadfast is so important.
At this point, I don’t *feel* as though I’ve been very steadfast these past few months. It’s been hard to recognize my steadfast qualities when life keeps throwing my curves. My dad’s surgery was definitely a low point of the year and all consuming (though now he is better than ever.) The engagement was obviously a high but with it has come loads of planning and tasks. That has pushed some of my regularly scheduled hobbies to the backseat, and I’m not complaining. It just makes me feel like I’m straying from being steadfast.
But maybe I’m just misinterpreting the phrase. To me, I see the word and think: “I need to be loyal to my goals.” Maybe instead it should be: “I remain loyal to myself.” That means doing what is right in a moment, saying “no” to things that don’t serve me, not signing on for more and sticking up for myself. Maybe it means just saying, “I’m not really feeling this” (i.e. running) or “It feels good to do this right now.” Maybe, in the end, being steadfast is just about being content and at peace in the moment.
If that is the case, then that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m focusing on this wonderful chapter in my life. I am trying to do what feels right, rather than what feels necessary. Granted, I’m still what I need to do, meeting my deadlines and the like. But I guess I’m being a lot less rigid about my hobbies and taking more time to relax.
More importantly, I am trying to be grateful for all that I have. Today, after I got our Save the Dates back and the font was way too small, I thought: “If this is the worst thing to happen to me today, I am pretty darn lucky.” It’s all about perspective.
So maybe I am loyal, dutiful, unwavering. But more so in attitude. And to me, that’s far more important.